In The Waiting

My sister told me that I have chosen a path that most don’t. And after thinking about it, I don’t know that I necessarily chose it as much as it was laid on my heart to do, and a chapter that God had chosen for me. After some prompting from the Lord, I took some time off from dating. To focus on God, myself, my faith, and to learn and grow on my own.

That time has given me a new perspective. Most days. But then there are days that get to me. The hard days. The days when I get tired of being alone. When I get sad after seeing others get what I desire to have. When the world tells me I should find someone to settle down with because of my age. When I don’t feel good enough for someone. When I get told my standards are too high or that I am too picky. When I get frustrated being the fifth wheel. When the world makes me feel jealous over what I don’t have. When marriage becomes an idol in my life. When the world makes me feel lonely instead of content. Weak instead of confident. Lost instead of secure. Heart broken instead of loved. Sorrowful instead of joyful.

So I would be lying if I said waiting wasn’t hard. Waiting can be challenging, especially when you are unsure when, or even if, the waiting will end. I know that I need to embrace the season I am in, and take in as much as I can during this time because I won’t get this back. I have prayed that God would make me content in the season I am in so that I don’t take this time for granted. And I feel as though God has been using this time to little by little shape me into the person He has created me to become. Looking back from where I am now I can see how far I have come, how much I have grown, and how God has provided throughout my current season. He has brought His truth and promises to life within my own story. Learning to stand strong on my own and be more dependent on God has been a journey. To be patient has been a challenge. There are days when even though I say I trust God’s plan, I question Him and ask why. But I feel as though I may be starting to slowly realize a part of the reason why.

I always thought my testimony was my grief journey. Little did I realize that God is using my current season to help me speak into other people’s lives. He has shifted my perspective on relationships and given me the courage to share with other people a few of the things He has shown me. He is using my story to reach others.

So what are a few of the things I have been learning? (In no particular order…)

What is most important to me.
What truly matters in life: God. Faith. Relationship with others.
Who I am as a child of God.
To put God first.
What I enjoy and what I like.
What qualities I hope to find in a future spouse, as well as deal breakers.
Being content in the season God has me in.
Patience in the waiting.
To trust God’s timing and plan.
That He will sustain me through it all.
What joy feels like, even in the hard times.
Confidence: Not everyone will like me, and that’s ok. Being confident in Christ and my relationship with Him.
To stay true to who I am and that I do not need to change for someone else. I am enough.
To learn from people God places in my path.
To let God use my pain: To make me better. To help others.
To feel whole in God: His love for me, and you, is so overwhelmingly great.
Dependence on God instead of humanity.
To gain new perspectives and to step outside of situations to see the bigger picture.
How to be more intentional: More real and open with others.
Becoming more aware of God: Seeing Him and listening to Him.
To make the most of my time and single season: Live life to the fullest and take advantage of opportunities.
To give myself grace: I am not perfect.
To guard my heart.
Boundaries: To protect myself and to respect my future husband.
How to be more grateful of people and experiences.
To depend on God to provide for me.
It’s ok to stand out: To be different. To live set apart.
To let God use me: My story. My past. My life.
Forgiveness of others. And myself.
Give things up to God.
How to love the person I am.
An appreciation of the role others play in my life, even if it wasn’t what I initially hoped for.

Psalm 62:5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.

#inthewaiting #Hemeetsmethere

~HJ