Caitlin grew up as a listener and observer learning much from those around her. Finding herself interested in psychology from the moment she had the opportunity to take her first class, she went on to major in psychology and receive a Bachelor of Science degree. Following that endeavor she pursued and acquired a Master of Arts in Counseling and now works as a Licensed Professional Counselor. Caitlin joins us to offer anything that God might want to say through this broken (in the process of healing for the rest of this life) vessel to others out there experiencing their own brokenness.
I’m under a mountain. Suffocating. I can’t get out. If you’ve ever felt like this odds are that you have found yourself with circumstances that you feel, to say the least, are overwhelming and insurmountable.
Not too long ago I found myself in this position, a position that I had been stuck in for over a year. I would make small efforts to move my body and to focus my mind; however I didn’t have the strength or sometimes the motivation to even keep trying. I’m writing to you in a similar position today actually. After writing these words I will be diving into the mess that weighs on me daily.
The mountain I, in part, allowed to accrue and other times felt debilitated to deal with. Months ago I made a hard decision; I told someone I am accountable to about the mess that had formed. I knew that it wasn’t working to deal with it on my own and to keep it hidden. Bringing to light my issues was embarrassing, humiliating, humbling, and hurt my pride quite a bit. I was prepared for the worst, was ready for the harshest of reactions, but that didn’t happen. Grace was what I received. I truly am my harshest critic and I was ready for the same to come at me when I expressed what was going on.
Well, here is my other problem. Sometimes I literally need a slight kick in the pants, in other words, some solid truth. So while grace was life giving and beautiful, it wasn’t enough for me to bring to light the issue, receive the grace, and then keep doing what I had before. I recently heard that truth without love is not the language God speaks. He speaks both. We need both. So I was receiving grace/love. Now I needed some truth.
Months later I went back to this person I first confessed to and stated my problem isn’t changing. I’m still under this mountain. They asked what they needed to do to help me and were a bit more firm with their feedback to me. Truth. I had to begin to move. I had to move. Just move. Okay. I had to decide what needed to happen to help me move. Like a child deciding what their consequence will be. I had to take ownership of the process. You know how many times I prayed for this mountain to move? So many times I can’t count, but I wasn’t moving under the pressure. God is our strength and we have to move to use that strength. The movements don’t have to be graceful, beautiful, or perfect. We just need to try. We need to do something. When we find ourselves unable to move on our own we have to include other people in the mix rather than continuing to try the same old of doing it on our own with no avail.
For some who read this you may say, I have no one. I hear the pain in that, my friend. To that I will say, watch closely for those you may not have given the chance to be there for you before. They may be an untapped resource. God truly does work in mysterious ways. Seek out. Far too often we wait for others to come to us.
Lastly, I pray that God would bring others into your life and into your path that can walk with you through any trial you may be facing and that he would give you the eyes to see he has placed them there.