Today’s blog post is by guest blogger, Kerry Koerselman. Kerry is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Sioux Falls Psychological in Sioux Falls, SD. She works with adults and couples and her areas of specialty include: relationship issues, midlife issues, trauma, spiritual issues as well as anxiety and depression. Kerry graduated from the University of South Dakota in 2001 with a Masters degree in counseling psychology and received a Graduate Certificate of Theological Studies from Sioux Falls Seminary in 2016.
“…our capacity to destroy one another is matched by our capacity to heal one another. Restoring relationships and community is central to restoring well-being”
–Bessel van der Kolk
Sitting with people, getting to walk alongside them as they explore their struggles, I feel potently what van der Kolk says in this quote. I hear the pain people cause each other, and I get to witness the healing that comes from connecting with someone, feeling heard and stepping into the risk of being open with one’s heart.
More and more I think that the bravest thing we can all do as human beings is to connect with those around us—to risk loving them. I ask myself, how can I further surrender to the love that is all around me? This includes love of creation—the earth, the animals, the plants and trees, the sky, and the air. It includes systems around me—my family, my community, my workplace, my spiritual community, my country, the whole of humanity. And it includes the individual people in my world—my partner, my children, my parents, my extended family, my coworkers, my friends and myself.
How can I be loving toward myself? Having a generous and gentle way with one’s own self is key to being able to love others. Accepting yourself as human and remembering that all humans make mistakes is important. If we can be okay with our own perceived failings and mistakes, we can be okay when others also make mistakes and have human flaws.
Taking responsibility for one’s actions actually becomes easier when we are gentle with ourselves. We say—“I should not have made that choice, but I see it now and next time I am going to work to do it differently”. We embrace our struggles so that we can face them more fully. It is good to remember that people are complicated creatures. We have the capacity to destroy out of fear and to heal out of love—each of us has our own unique fingerprint of pain and strength.
It is a brave and beautiful thing to risk this depth of love. It feels out of control and like it might overwhelm you. This love grows a person and expands their awareness of how everything is connected. It says we are all one. It breaks down the illusion that we are independent and alone. As we see this connectedness, we grow. Our awareness expands, and little by little we find more peace.
Maybe you feel that you would like to be more connected with the love that is around you. The therapists at River Counseling and Sioux Falls Psychological Services can walk with you personally, with your relationship, or with your family as you explore what that might look like for you.
~KK
