Month: May 2018

Rumi is quoted as saying, “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” As you reflect on this you may be able to bring to mind many times in your own life in which you decided to hold on or let go, and the impact of these moments.

As this quote recognizes, there are times in life in which we must, or get to, let go. Sometimes circumstances are ones in which we prepare for the change (welcoming a baby, graduation, marriage, job transitions). We may be the one pursuing this shift, or perhaps life naturally leads us to this new season.  When we have time to prepare for these life changes, it can impact the way we let go.

While we have times we prepare for transitions, there are other times in life in which we aren’t given the opportunity to anticipate having to let go. We may abruptly have a loved one die, lose our job, lose a relationship… these unexpected losses can also impact our journey of letting go. We may feel we weren’t given the tools we needed to be able to release what we had, or we can find ourselves feeling stuck and bitter, or just at a loss for how to handle how to move forward with changes we are facing.

Whether you are on the verge of letting go, in the midst of the process, or looking back on an experience of releasing something or someone… be gentle with yourself. Transitions bring challenges and good. Accept the permission to grieve and celebrate. With change comes the natural process of coping with the losses that accompany all times of transition (whether anticipated or not). Find places where you can receive healthy support during this new season. Soak in the truth that transition times truly are times of growth and grieving both, and you will likely feel intensely both of these parts.

If you are spiritual, your faith journey can also be tested and transformed during this season (for good or bad). While we be left wondering “why” in the midst of transitions, we also have permission to cry out and give voice to the hard and good to a God who cares about the details of our lives. God is big enough to handle our thankfulness and our wrestling.

“Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7

~MM

 

As some of you may have known, today was the original date that I had scheduled for my labrum repair surgery and then a few short days later I was scheduled to have my second surgery, the periacetabular hip osteotomy. Last fall I found out that I have hip dysplasia in both hips and a torn labrum in my right hip. Doctors told me I would need a hip replacement within the next 10 years, or I could elect to do these surgeries in order to postpone the hip replacement even longer. I experience at least some pain daily and they said it will continue to get worse with time, so I elected to do surgery as soon as I could get in. But last month I decided to push it back a few weeks, to the end of June. After surgery I will likely be on crutches for 12 weeks, and the entire recovery process is around 9 months long. And around 1/4 of patients like me end up having to do the same surgery on the other side, going through the process all over again.

Recently, my sister sent me a message that she has never seen so many things about healing, and how interesting it was that healing was being brought to her attention. She then proceeded to tell me that she believes God is going to heal me. When I first read that I actually laughed a little because I didn’t believe that could actually happen to me. The more we discussed it, the more I was starting to believe it could be possible. She told me that she felt like it would be through someone I am connected to, or through the prayers of many. She took action and started reaching out to people she knew, asking them for their prayers. She also mentioned how strange it was to be feeling this way, since she feels like it can be more challenging for her to pray those big prayers ever since God took her first husband away, even when there were so many people praying for him to be healed.

I have heard stories of other people being healed, but when I think about my own life, it is hard to fathom that happening. I have my doubts. But why would God choose to heal me? There are so many other people suffering from ailments, so why would God heal me instead of someone else that needs it or deserves it more than me? I feel like Peter when he stepped out of the boat and started walking on water towards Jesus, and when he became afraid, he started to sink. After Peter cried out to Jesus, He reached out to him and caught him. Jesus asked Peter, “you of little faith, why would you doubt?” I have asked God to remove the doubts in my mind, and to help me fully trust in Him. I do believe that God can heal me, but how He decides to do so, is for Him to know, and for me to discover. Whatever I go through, whatever God has planned for me, it will become a part of my story and have the possibility to impact someone else. No matter how my healing comes, whether it be through prayer before surgery even happens, or whether it be through the surgeon’s hands and the recovery process, God will receive the glory with the outcome. I have been reminded many times the last few weeks that God is able. I also read somewhere that with every prayer, something happens. So I will continue to pray, and I will continue to ask for prayers for healing.

Every prayer matters.

For anyone else praying for healing, this prayer was at the end of a devotional I read:
“Jesus, I thank you that you have both the power and authority to heal my body. I boldly come to you today to ask for your grace and healing power to be at work in my body. I trust that you are powerful and looking for an opportunity to show your power in my body.
Cause this sickness to leave my body in Jesus’ name. I break the power of stress and trauma and release your peace. I speak to every part of my body and say, “Be whole in Jesus’ name.” Function properly – the way God designed you to function.
Jesus, send your word and heal me today. You paid the price for my healing, so I trust that you are at work in me. Holy Spirit, fill every part of me with your supernatural presence. Drive out all that is not good, holy, and true. I receive the healing you have for me today, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

~HJ

My story is one that is hard. I shy away from telling it at times because I fear that others may feel somehow their own story doesn’t measure up to the darkness of my own. However, we all face our own version of the darkness and we have to find a way to battle through or it can overcome us and cause us to lose hope. Each of our stories matter. Telling our stories takes courage and God is present to each ache we feel.

My darkness came in the form of death. On October 9, 2007, I was delivered the news that my husband of over 3 years and my 5 ½ month old daughter’s father was gone. The way I received this news was what helped give me hope for the days to come and more death and darkness. As I sat in an Intensive Care unit’s nurse break room with my mother and father-in-law, my mother-in-law shared she just prayed to see an angel. In the moments that followed I had a conversation with God. You may be thinking, “Ok, now I know she’s crazy and why should I keep reading?” however, if nothing else maybe out of curiosity you will…

God told me, “I’m going to take my child now.” I could sense His presence above and in front of me and Paul’s spirit behind him. I replied with, “Ok.” But when I realized what I’d said, I replied with, “No, I want him back.” The Father simply said, “I will take care of you.” And He and Paul’s spirit were gone. Seconds later, a medical professional walked into the room to tell us that Paul was gone. I remember making my way to the waiting room where so many friends and family members were there waiting. I dropped to my knees proclaiming my status as a widow at the age of 25. These days were hard and so lonely. I had to choose to continue to push through even when I didn’t want to because my daughter needed me. To make the journey and darkness deeper, my brother, Cole Juhnke, died unexpectedly of hypothermia on January 24, 2008.

Our extended family has recently endured another blow of untimely death. My cousin, Kimberly Juhnke died suddenly leaving behind her 2-year-old son, Jack, parents, brother, nice, nephew and boyfriend. My heart aches again with the depth of loss I once felt so acutely. Now I feel it for the loss of my own that I recall, but also for the dark path I know they too will have to trudge. I have shared with them that I wish there is something I could say to make it easier, but the reality is the only message I can offer to bring comfort is that they are not alone. They don’t have to trudge this path without other loved ones who know the ups and downs and deep pain that comes with the journey. We don’t get to alleviate them from this painful journey, but we can share the hope that, in time, the pain will not be as intense as frequently. As we are charged with facing these dark places within, we can hold onto the hope that comes from those who have gone before. We can live with the hope of a heavenly Father who can walk alongside us, unaltered by our circumstances.  Whatever you may be facing-know you are not alone.

~MM