“I thought I’d have more time.” These are the words my aunt Sharla shared with her dearest family members as they gathered in her ICU room last Tuesday. While she was diagnosed 7 months ago with a rare form of cancer, Acute Myeloid Leukemia, she had been a medical wonder throughout her treatment journey. Doctors were in awe at how little pain she had. She was doing so much better than anyone could anticipate. However, she started feeling ill and even though there was a clean blood scan just 2 weeks prior to her suddenly falling ill, she walked into the hospital last Tuesday morning with no awareness that it would be her last day.
As we gathered together to celebrate her life this week, we were face to face with the reality that death doesn’t wait for us to complete our to-do list. Her daughter, Kirsti so poignantly helped those gathered understand this by sharing how “confused” her mom was in her last hours of life, but not because of her medical condition, but because her mom thought she had “more time.” More time to see her grandbabies grow. More time to walk with her kids as they raised their beautiful families. More time to embrace the beauty of another sunset. More time to spend with her husband and the brood of animals she loved and cared for.
Experiences like this, whether personal, or gifted to us by others, can ignite our ability to wake up to living with more intentionality. We are reminded in a very real way that we just don’t know when our last day will be. We can be drawn to places we can find hope during these times. We may begin to rethink the appointments we keep and why we choose to spend the minutes, hours, and days we’ve been given in the particular ways we do. We have a chance to reflect if our calendar is communicating our true priorities, or if perhaps we need to realign that time spent with more congruent priorities in our hearts. We may also see more clearly the “fillers” that may keep us busy, but that may ultimately may be taking away energy from who we are, or how we were created.
Even if you don’t have a personal experience of a moment such as this, my prayer is you may find some benefit in my aunt’s powerful words. While she embraced living in an inspirational way to those around her, she gave us another gift in her dying. She gave us all a gift in the reminder of how precious our lives really are. Take advantage of this invitation today to be mindful about how you desire to choose to fill today and your future days. While we so often are surprised by when the end comes for our loved ones, let it serve as a reminder that we can choose how to live the life we’ve been given today.
This can empower us to live on purpose. Take time to notice this purpose and your intentions. Whether that means small steps toward a bigger goal, an overall shift in looking at life with more appreciation, or a commitment to giving yourself more grace and space to just be, you can make changes starting in this moment.
Write down priorities to remind yourself what it is you want to pursue. Share these goals with those you can trust. This transparency can help bring you back to your priorities when the daily grind may invite us to veer off course. My prayer is that my aunts words and perhaps the lives of those you remember as well, prompt you to fill your days with a powerful yes to that deep purpose you desire to live out and share with the world around you.
~MM