Month: June 2019

Today’s blog post is by guest blogger, Kerry Koerselman. Kerry is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Sioux Falls Psychological in Sioux Falls, SD. She works with adults and couples and her areas of specialty include: relationship issues, midlife issues, trauma, spiritual issues as well as anxiety and depression. Kerry graduated from the University of South Dakota in 2001 with a Masters degree in counseling psychology and received a Graduate Certificate of Theological Studies from Sioux Falls Seminary in 2016.

“I decided that the most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.”  — Anne Lamott

Don’t let the Instagram photos fool you, everyone has their pain and struggle.  Behind the glossy images, the rosy filters and the curated posts, we all weep, stink and rage.  It takes tremendous strength to show up authentically and vulnerably real, in a culture where perfect images get the “likes”.   

Sometimes we feel scared to be real with people for fear they might think we are screwed up, weak, or uncool. If we are real with people, they can hurt us.  Often our instinct is to protect ourselves by wearing a mask, keeping our distance and never showing weakness. 

Published studies report that about 25 percent of all U.S. adults have a mental illness and that nearly 50 percent of U.S. adults will develop at least one mental illness during their lifetime. (CDC)  Everyone has struggles, and many people’s struggles are significant enough to be diagnosed as mental illness. 

It is only by showing up, being real and sitting with our pain that we can process through the pain.  What is the saying?  “If you can’t feel, you can’t heal it”.   People find all sorts of ways to numb ourselves from our pain.  Netflix binging, mindless eating, looking at porn, alcohol or drug use, constant busyness, over exercising, compulsive internet shopping–these are all ways people try to numb the feelings we don’t want to feel.  We can help each other heal by being real with each other, reaching out and letting someone see what is going on inside.  

Maybe the first place you can begin to show the real you is in therapy.  Therapy is a safe place to open up about the behaviors you feel ashamed of, the worries you can’t stop spinning through your mind, and the hopelessness you have about life.  In therapy you will be completely accepted.  No matter what you say, reveal, talk about, explore, the therapist will be there viewing you positively, seeing you as human like all of us, knowing your best intentions. 

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Dear one and only precious life, 

You’ve thrown me curveballs more times than I’d like to count. I’m standing at a crossroads once again-face to face with a challengeI couldn’t have seen coming. I’m starting to learn a trick or two about these trials we all must face, however… 

I’ve learned that while I have every right and opportunity to beat on God’s chest and beg for something different(and while God is big enough to handle this and I may even need to do this for a time)… I now know there are other paths that lead me to find a new way forward. 

I’ve learned that moving forward often means loosening the death grip I have on the reality I’ve come to know and that which feels comfortable. It means opening my handsand opening my heart to embracewhat I can in the giftof what is in this moment. There will never be a moment just like it. It’s ok that sometimes I’m grateful that I don’t have to relive some of the hard parts of this journey. I also see though, that there are other moments I want to just be able to pause and soak all the goodness out of it until it’s all used up. 

What I do get to do is choose to seek out the hopethat whatever comes, I have a Creator who’s walking with me. My God has promised never to leave me or forsake me. 

There are times I’m hurt… disappointed… and I wander… but wherever I find myself, if I listen close enough there is love. The love may be hidden in a bird’s song, a kind word, a smile, the sunrise… but in whatever form it comes in, it is an invitation from the Lord to find rest in Him while the battle rages on. On this path every tear I cry is gathered(Psalm 56:8) and deeply acknowledged and feltby a loving God that won’t let this pain be without a blessing in time as well. 

When I feel so completely alone and I feel I’ve come the end of myself… somehow it’s there I find a way to fly… Something I couldn’t see before reveals itself and provides a foundation to begin walking on… not on my own accord… and not void of all the challenges, but with a strength that endures in the storm. Sometimes it’s a strength that comes because I have the courage to ask for help. A strength that comes from releasing what isn’t mine to carry.  There is even strength in crying out… and acknowledging that I don’t know what my next steps should be… this can allow me to release what I wanted so desperately and instead begin to open my hands to what can be… even though it’s so different than what I imagined, had planned, or longed for before this challenge arose.

There’s beauty to be found in the ashes…

So, my one and only precious life… I will continue to weather the storms… not from my own strength alone, but from a strength infused by my Mighty Helper who will never abandon me. Help from those around me and even nature that reminds with its seasons that there is a time for everything under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). I will continue to seek out the hope that seems so far away in some of the darkest moments of this life, and yet claim the promiseof all that can be transformed for goodin an eternal light. 

With all my hope and strength,

The Beloved, Wounded Soldier

This letter is an opportunity to touch your own pain today. To find hope in whatever circumstances you are facing, but with an awareness we aren’t created to fight these challenging battles alone. If you have hope in a Creator, this can provide strength, or perhaps that help can come from a friend or professional. Know you are not alone in your struggles. 

~MM

*This picture was shared by my 12-year-old daughter who offered beautiful encouragement to her grandmother who is facing challenging circumstances. My prayer is it can also offer hope for you on your journey today.

“You have kept record of my days of wandering. You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each of them.” Psalm 56:8

Caitlin grew up as a listener and observer learning much from those around her. Finding herself interested in psychology from the moment she had the opportunity to take her first class, she went on to major in psychology and receive a Bachelor of Science degree. Following that endeavor she pursued and acquired a Master of Arts in Counseling and now works as a Licensed Professional Counselor. Caitlin joins us to offer anything that God might want to say through this broken (in the process of healing for the rest of this life) vessel to others out there experiencing their own brokenness.

Devastation. Barren. Dark. Charred. Lifeless. If you’ve ever seen the aftermath of a fire these words may make sense to you. While searching for an example of what I’m about to share with you the picture of a wildfire came to mind. Years ago, there was a prairie fire that began near the place I called home at the time. It burned for miles and left the land around us charred and barren. 

For the next week or so the fire threatened in little bursts from the ground to reignite. Around the clock someone had to be watching with a water truck to put out small fires that came back to life. I remember during the days after school walking around and stomping out a small flame here and there with my boots. I looked around the home that looked completely different, smelled completely different, and was no longer beautiful country-side with a creek bed lined with trees. Trees were tipped over, charred, and decimated. Grass was gone, all that was left was burnt ground for miles. It was saddening to look at.  

We lived there for quite some time after that thank goodness. Long enough to see what came after the fire. Grass grew back to what seemed twice as thick. Slowly over time the prairie came back to life. Wild-life began to come back, more than I had remembered years before. I asked my dad at one point about the grass seeming fuller than it had been. I remember him saying that’s how it works after a fire sometimes. It can make the soil more fertile. Interesting I thought.  

“Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better“-Marylin Ferguson. I didn’t know that the grass could be any thicker than it was before the fire. I didn’t know that the ground could come back from a burn like that. I didn’t know if we would ever see the deer roaming, birds flying, or cattle grazing in the way we had before. Interestingly enough, the same can be said for therapy I think. 

Sometimes a person doesn’t know the ways in which things can shift, transform, and perhaps be even more fulfilling than before. They simply know something is off, they don’t feel like themselves, maybe they feel depressed or anxious, maybe they know relationships seem to be really difficult. They have maybe entertained the thought of counseling. Maybe that could help, but something seems to keep getting in the way. Fear, stigma, pride, hopelessness, lack of self-regard, or disbelief about this thing called psychology. All of these can keep us from seeking counseling. 

However, should you step courageously into that journey you may find the aftermath being quite different than you ever imagined. Some of you may feel like you’re in the midst of the fire right now. Others may feel the fire is over with and the ground around you is left charred. For others perhaps, you’re afraid of the fires that might surface if you begin to look inward. Take heart, “It’s always darkest before dawn”-Thomas Fuller.