Today’s blog post is by guest blogger, Kerry Koerselman. Kerry is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Sioux Falls Psychological in Sioux Falls, SD. She works with adults and couples and her areas of specialty include: relationship issues, midlife issues, trauma, spiritual issues as well as anxiety and depression. Kerry graduated from the University of South Dakota in 2001 with a Masters degree in counseling psychology and received a Graduate Certificate of Theological Studies from Sioux Falls Seminary in 2016.
“I decided that the most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.” — Anne Lamott
Don’t let the Instagram photos fool you, everyone has their pain and struggle. Behind the glossy images, the rosy filters and the curated posts, we all weep, stink and rage. It takes tremendous strength to show up authentically and vulnerably real, in a culture where perfect images get the “likes”.
Sometimes we feel scared to be real with people for fear they might think we are screwed up, weak, or uncool. If we are real with people, they can hurt us. Often our instinct is to protect ourselves by wearing a mask, keeping our distance and never showing weakness.
Published studies report that about 25 percent of all U.S. adults have a mental illness and that nearly 50 percent of U.S. adults will develop at least one mental illness during their lifetime. (CDC) Everyone has struggles, and many people’s struggles are significant enough to be diagnosed as mental illness.
It is only by showing up, being real and sitting with our pain that we can process through the pain. What is the saying? “If you can’t feel, you can’t heal it”. People find all sorts of ways to numb ourselves from our pain. Netflix binging, mindless eating, looking at porn, alcohol or drug use, constant busyness, over exercising, compulsive internet shopping–these are all ways people try to numb the feelings we don’t want to feel. We can help each other heal by being real with each other, reaching out and letting someone see what is going on inside.
Maybe the first place you can begin to show the real you is in therapy. Therapy is a safe place to open up about the behaviors you feel ashamed of, the worries you can’t stop spinning through your mind, and the hopelessness you have about life. In therapy you will be completely accepted. No matter what you say, reveal, talk about, explore, the therapist will be there viewing you positively, seeing you as human like all of us, knowing your best intentions.